I may have put on sad music this afternoon and sat alone at my teaching set up in the basement and cried. It was cathartic and I feel like I can think a little now, but Overwhelmed punched me in the gut today.
The morning started with a staff meeting where our superintendent shared that plans are in the works to start phasing in face to face instruction. While I figured this would happen eventually, I was really hoping for sometime later...like after a vaccine. I have all the same concerns I've felt for colleagues from afar, but now they're closing in for me too. Is it safe? For me? For my students? For my family who will inevitably be exposed to anything I come in contact with? For us to see our parents or other family or friends?
Additionally, how will class times be set up and how will I structure them. We are able to use our class time to play right now. It's over Zoom and the students are generally muted, but at least our scheduled time is used to work on instrumental skills. Assuming we will not be allowed to play together in person (which I am OK with from a safety standpoint!!!) when we go back face to face, how to keep things engaging for kids who signed up to play?
And then there's the Mom Guilt. So far I've been just this side of useless for my kid's virtual schooling. We opted to keep her home and do online school, but my husband (who is still working full time from home) has handled everything so far. We're working on setting up times to see some friends who are doing online schooling too, but seeing the Girl Scout troop she should have been a member of this year giggling and skipping off to a spot near our local library was another layer in the constant "are we doing the right thing?" cake.
All the freaking out about the future aside, the past week wasn't bad. We started doing some playing "together" in Zoom on our Concert Bb and Eb scales. By playing together I mean, they muted themselves (and hopefully!) played along as I played. It was really nice to see my kids with instruments in their hands again and even offer some guidance. It's not fancy but it's helping us get into some kind of playing routine.
I've been doing daily attendance question so that I interact with every kid every day. In a regular class period, I'd never have the time, but with a 90 minute block I can make sure I get to connect with every kid. There are the occasional awkward moments when a there's some lag and I have to get a kid to repeat themselves a few times, but it's nice to have those quick conversations.
Every class also ends with me waving goodbye and letting them sign out. In every class so far, there has been at least one kid who's stuck around like they would at the end of a class to ask a question. Sometimes they just want to share something. Either way, it's been another opportunity to make sure students have a chance to reach out if needed.
Today and tomorrow are about getting students signed into SmartMusic thanks to the support of our community and district and figuring out the best way to utilize it in remote teaching as we see what the next week brings.
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